I usually try to stick with happy positive posts because I always wanted this blog to be a happy positive place where I could see the fun parts and the good memories. That said, it’s also MY place, so I feel if I’m going to vent somewhere, it should be here.
The last couple weeks have been consumed dealing with something that’s manifested a lot lately. I think it’s been an issue for a long time but it’s never been more noticeable than it is now. I’ve been letting the blog queue write itself which really helps because I haven’t had the energy or the interest to pay attention to anything.
I’ve been dealing with severe clinical depression on and off for a long time. Probably more than ten years. Before, it never really seemed to impact my personal life or my relationships. Lately, it’s been spreading to all facets of my life and unfortunately, I didn’t go to the doctor until it had pretty much reached rock bottom. The feelings of dread, the uncontrollable outbursts, the mood swings. It’s a lot to deal with and there’s no quick fix.
There are a lot of articles about how to deal when a loved one is suffering depression. They’re all pretty accurate. For one, it’s not always just sadness. In my case it seems to be a chemical imbalance so medication (I’m trying the more natural stuff first) is necessary to rebalance things. On that note, while lots of places will tell you how hard it is when someone you care about is dealing with depression, they don’t always mention that while it’s hard to help a loved one through it, as hard as that may be, it’s definitely no picnic for the one going through it. I can put on a happy face and try to avoid letting it impact the people around me, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t impacting me all the time. It’s a constant struggle. Some mornings I wake up feeling okay and some I don’t want to wake up at all.