First of all, may I say- I sincerely hope you aren’t dead. If you are, please disregard this letter as it will be completely irrelevant. Also, I assume you can no longer read or receive messages.
Second, if you married you know who, I will bitch slap you. I don’t know how, but I will find a way. I suggest you immediately find a way to create a cyborg (No, not one that looks like Arnold but maybe one that looks like Michael Fassbender… no wait, Chris Young. You would totally listen to Chris Young. Or Luke Bryan. No wait, Blake Shelton. Blake would make a great cyborg.) and send him back in time to tell you not to marry him. Or maybe just go get a divorce. Whichever is easier.
Here are the things I hope you have done. If you have not, you’d better get moving and do them before 40. Because if I have to write another letter about this, I’m not going to be pleased.
Visited Antarctica, even just for an afternoon.
Been to all seven continents.
Met the following- Blake Shelton, Jason Aldean, Carrie Underwood, and Luke Bryan.
Done the Lord of the Rings tours in New Zealand.
Climbed the Sydney Harbour Bridge.
Seen Noah’s Ark in Hong Kong (no joke, real thing).
Done the three big road trips (West Coast, East coast, Route 66).
Traveled Europe by train.
Held a koala.
I would ask how things are but I don’t want any spoilers!